“It is not good to eat much honey; so for men to seek glory, their own glory, causes suffering and is not glory” – Proverbs 25:27 (AMPC)
Many people told me that turning 30 would be a beautiful thing.
It was said to be the pivotal age that had helped many care less about how people thought or felt about them and more about honouring themselves. As confident as I may have seemed in my 20’s, this was a deep desire of mine. I yearned to be liberated from the bond that came with caring how other people perceived me.
I wanted to care less about what society deemed important and more about the issues that weighed on my heart, but I never knew how to be true to myself because I spent much of my life being validated by superficial things – whether I was pretty enough, whether I wore the right clothes, drove the right car, had the right job, earned enough money or had the relationship that would ‘complete’ me, or so I thought!
The funniest thing is, I would get upset when someone I was dating could not see the depth of my personality and only concerned themselves with the superficial aspects of who I am. I knew I had more to offer, but how could anyone ever know this when I spent so much of my time striving to be honoured by man rather than honouring God? I would love to say that this was the question that changed it all, but in all honesty, there was no ‘ah ha’ moment, this was a question I asked myself in hindsight.
I came to God as a broken mess – emotionally exhausted from thinking I knew it all in life, yet continually getting it wrong! Nothing I was doing to validate myself was filling the void that had me walking through life, but not actually living. But a wonderful thing happened, God took His love and used it to repair the brokenness, filled me up with His truth, so there was no longer any room for the lies that once plagued my existence. And lastly, He gave me His Grace to help me accept that whilst I will never be perfect, I am beautifully and wonderfully made and no ‘man’, male nor female, can ever add or subtract from that!
So to conclude, ‘Turning 30’ was not the catalyst that freed me from the bondage that comes from striving to be honoured by man – Turning to God was!!!
The mistakes of my past now form part of my testimony, and being honoured or held in high esteem is only a passing thought. What a weight that has been lifted! I am now the best version of my most authentic self. Many won’t like it and few will get it, but that does not matter, and will never matter again.
So, I have decided to start my blog with this post to affirm that this space will not be a platform used to exhibit myself; I am not seeking praise or acclaim. My desire is to encourage, to edify and maybe even help someone who is walking a path similar to mine. I pray my aim is achieved.
God bless xx
Supporting scriptures: Proverbs 12:9, Luke 11:43, John 5:44, John 7:18, Matthew 11;28-29, Psalm 139:13-18